Vulnerable

According to me, as a Swede, vulnerable and especially vulnerability is kind of difficult to pronounce. It´s like there´s too many vowels way back in my throat… I have to concentrate hard to get it right. The last days I´ve been concentrating hard, really hard. My first deadline was today and in agreement with my supervisors I have sent my revised project plan to them. I will get my feedback when we meet Thursday afternoon. Yesterday a feeling of fear emerged into my consciousness, fear of showing my weaknesses and flaws to three supervisors that I look up to, respect and admire. A fear that almost paralyzed my intellectual capabilities. A fear which had power of my thoughts and made me feel inferior and fragile. After a sleepless night and hours of brooding I´ve come to the conclusion that in order to improve my academic skills I have to accept the process of uncover myself to my supervisors. There will no longer be any doubts of which level my critical thinking is at. That is the price I have to pay for expose my capacity and abilities. In some ways I´m terrified to show this manifestation of competence (worst case scenario – incompetence) but I also think that I have to embrace the adeptness and just lay myself bare and show my stomach in order to get better. You know, like dogs do, totally unabashed by the position their in. Only, unlike the dogs, I´m utterly embarrassed by my posture. Nevertheless, it is what it is, no harm done – yet – I have to trust my supervisors and I am grateful for their feedback! The response will make me grow and improve. After all I´m here to germinate.

Ambition for the rest of the day: To endeavor a jaunty walk into the sunset!

sunset-1046475_1920

Photos: Pixabay

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